At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize