Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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