Do vagina's smell?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
