Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
