I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
