I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
