Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
