I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
