Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
