Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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