3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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