walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
