its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
