i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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