Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
