haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
