is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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