My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
