Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
