You can't motorboat a personality
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
