i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
