I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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