I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
