Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
