even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Congratulations! We have a period
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