Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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