do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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