you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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