sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
be right there i have to get my cape
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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