I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
