I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
