u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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