so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize