So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
