Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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