The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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