Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
