My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she told me i tasted like america
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
