my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize