k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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