oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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