It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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