do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
