I showed him my bush... on skype.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
