Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I want to be your penis for a week.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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