My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
