made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
