Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
