Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I would fuck him just for his dog
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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