so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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