Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
