I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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