All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
