I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
