just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
