I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
