I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
