I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
