keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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