Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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