im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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