This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
