Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
