here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
