Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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