And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
