Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
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