dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
