id be glad to
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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