No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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